so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
