Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
