i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
