i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
