Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
