I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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