Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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