Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
