Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
