Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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