Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
