If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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