After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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