I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
