Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
