My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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