This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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