ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
