I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
