You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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