I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
