Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
