I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
