Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
tell me about the fingering
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