You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
