One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My liver just broke up with me...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
