Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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