I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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