She just used a chaser for red wine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
