I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
