Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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