One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
