My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize