I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
