I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
