got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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