my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
