so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
