Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
