All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
