Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
