She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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