how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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