I wish I only lived at night.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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