She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
