A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
