you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
