The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
