i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
