I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
