I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
