Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
