I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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