Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
whose ass print is on the piano?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
