sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
