you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
