Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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