im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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