I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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