just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
