Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
barbara walters just said penis...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
