dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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