Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
