fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
