we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
