I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
