I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
