Joe is yelling at the trees again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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