its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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