69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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