You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
