Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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