could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
