I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
