the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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