I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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