You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
