I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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