Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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