I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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