you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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