we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're like the curious george of whores
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
