how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
