I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
